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A factory owner said to a store owner,"Thank you, Mr. Smith, for your patronage.I wish I had twenty customers like you."
"Gosh, it's nice to hear that, but I'm kind of surprised,"admitted Smith,"You know that I argue with every bill and always pay late."
The factory owner said,"I'd still like twenty customers like you.The problem is, I have two hundred!"



THERE were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde.The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore.So she announced,"I'm going to try to swim to shore."She swam out five miles, and got really tired.She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself,"I wonder if she made it.I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve."So she attempts to swim out.The redhead had a lot more eudurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired.After 15 miles, she was to tired to go on, so she drowned.
The blonde thought to herself,"I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too."So she swam out 5 miles, 10 miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island.The shore was just in sight, but she said,"I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.



A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store.In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there.
The boss asked him,"Have you ever been a salesman before?"
"Yes, I was a salesman in the country,"said the lad.The boss liked the cut of him and said,"You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up."



A guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbour's pet rabbit in his mouth.The rabbit is dead and the guy panic. He thinks the neighbours are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbour's house, hoping they will think it died a natural death.A few days later, the neighbour is outside and asks the guy,"Did you hear a Fluffy died?"
The guy stumbles around and says,"Um..no..um..what happened?"The neighbour replies,"We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage.There must be some real sick people out there!"



A man and a woman walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier."Show the lady your finest mink!"the fellow exclaims.So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat.
As the lady tries it on, the furrier sidles up to the guy and discreetly whispers,"Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for $75,000."
"No problem! I'll write you a check!"
"Very good, sir,"says the shop owner,"Today is Saturday.You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared."So the man and the woman leave.
On Monday, the fellow returns without the lady.The store owner is outraged,"How dare you show your face in here?! There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!"
"I just had to come by,"grinned the guy,"to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!"



A little boy wanted $100 very badly.His mother told him to pray to God for it.He prayed for two weeks but nothing turned up.Then he decided perhaps he should write God a letter requesting the $100.When the post officer received the letter addressed to God, they opened it and decided to send it to the President.
The president was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy $5.He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5 and sat down to write a thank-you letter, which read as follows :
Dear God,
Thank you very much for sending me the money. I noticed that you had to send it through Washington.As usual, those thieving bastards deducted $95.



NEEDING a man is like needing a parachute.If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.



"WHERE did you get those big eyes?"
"They came with the face."



"ROOM service? Can you send up a towel?"
"Please wait, someone else is using it."



A good discussion is like a miniskirt : Short enough to sustain interest and long enough to cover the subject!


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