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DO you know what a computer injury is? A mega byte!
Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
What do you get when you cross a Policeman and a Pig? Law and Odor.
What do you get when you cross a Perm with a Rabbit? Curly Hare.

POWERING up his office computer one morning, David saw a unique error message:
"Keyboard undetected."
Then he saw how to clear the error:
"Press any key to continue."

SOME says a computer is a woman, if you do something wrong, they'll remember every bit of it.
Some says a computer is a man, if you had just waited one more week, you could have gotten a better model for less.

DAVID work in a busy office where a computer going down causes quite inconvenience.
One day, one of their computer not only crashed, it made a noise that sounded like a heart monitor."This computer has flat-lined,"a co-worker called out with mock horror,"Does anyone here know how to do mouse-to-mouse resuscitation?"

ONCE upon a time there was a young man who wanted to become a great writer. "I want to write things the whole world will read,"he declared,"Stuff that will elicit strong emotions from people in every walk of life. I want my writing to make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger."
He now lives happily ever after writing error messages for MICROSOFT.

You know you've been surfing the NET too long when...
  • You ask your family to address you in HTML.
  • You think a person's social status is directly linked to speed of their modem.(It's not)
  • Your sex life consists of a lot of downloading.
  • You brag out how you flamed Bill Gates.
  • You refer to your house as your homepage.
  • You buy your mother-in-law a modem so you can flame her.
  • You sign your checks starting with "http"
  • You pur your web site URL on all your New Year cards.
  • You swap web site trading cards at work.
  • Your kids complain about the phone bill you're racking up.

    A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it.Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message.
    "Due to lack of maintenance,"he read,"we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."

    A neighbor is outside gardening and the blonde next door comes out and checks her mail. A little while later she comes out and checks her mailbox again. This continues for 1/2 an hour until finally the neighbor walks over to the blonde and asks if she's expecting a package.
    The blond reply's, "No, my computer keeps telling me I have mail."

    A helicopter pilot is flying to Seattle, and hits a pea-soup-thick fog bank.He's completely disoriented, and flies blindly around until he spies the top few floors of an office building.He pulls up real close to it, and gets the attention of a woman sitting at her desk.
    "Excuse me!" he yells."Where am I?"
    "You're in a helicopter," she replies.
    The pilot pulls off sharply to the left, takes one or two crisp turns through the dense fog,and then does a perfect blind landing at the Seattle-Tacoma Airport.
    "That was amazing!" says a passenger. "How did you know from her answer where you were?"
    "Easy,"says the pilot."Her answer,while correct,was absolutely useless.So I immediately knew I was at Microsoft Tech Support."